Little Brothers ... Some Things May Change, But Some Things Don't

Hmmm.

It's been awhile since I've done this. By "this" I mean writing one of my rambles. I've done some intermittent personal blog type writing, but to take an episode or a Supernatural thought and just begin writing ... nope. I'll say it again ... it's been awhile. I did get one started last spring, it actually got kinda lengthy ... like really, insanely lengthy. Problem was, it rambled so far that all train of thought got lost somewhere on the path. I hope that one day I can do some trimming and wield it back into a sense of some coherency. It was/is on eppy 5.13 - The Song Remains the Same and I blame John Winchester ... young or old, the man just gets to me. :-)

I mean ... seriously ... "Shut up, all of you! Look ... not another word or so help me, I will turn this care around!" *giggles* Matt Cohen or Jeffrey Dean Morgan ... doesn't matter ... my mind blends their voices at this point and I am hopelessly in YDW/BDW fangirl love!

Ahem. *deep breath*

Aaaaanyhow ... as I said ... it has been awhile. So, I thought a bit of practice might be in order. A refresher course in Rambling 101 for both you and for me.

Now ... let me remind everyone ... a ramble, as stated in the English dictionary, is a walk taken merely for pleasure, without a definite route. That's the positive. And definitely true. I enjoy these writing excursions and I, for sure, don't have any route in mind when I begin. My brain just kinda takes off and my fingers follow without knowledge of where they're going. Of course, I have to be honest, there is also a negative connotation to my "style", if you would, of writing. It should also be noted that rambling talking/writing is considered aimless and discursive, or rather ... digressive or, as one synonym so aptly puts it ... long winded. *sigh* I don't try to be long winded, but I do tend to wander and I realize this. Ya'll have been supportive of the lengths in which I write, however, I'm gonna try to limit some of this because I'm not sure how lengthy things can be in this area of the Blogosphere. I really don't want to break this one. Ya know?

Plus, there's the fact that somewhere along the way I seem to have lost hours in the day and it's just not as physically feasible to write discursively (ie. long winded tomes).

Yet rambling with you is also something that I miss tremendously, so it is that I'm here, testing a few of the waters with a ramble or two (if I get lucky) before the Season Six premiere on the 24th. I'm gonna begin with a thought I had. I've been watching The Pilot ... actually Disc One of Season One ... and then, for some reason I flipped over to eppy 5.22 - Swan Song. Then I flipped back to The Pilot.

I will be talking more about The Pilot in another blog I hope to post before Friday, but this thought kept popping on me, begging to be written on it's own. No real reason, certainly no pathway, just some aimless thought about the fact that ... no matter how old, how tall, or how big and how muscular Sam Winchester gets, he will always be Dean Winchester's little brother. Always.

That is just plain fact.

I was six years old when we got my little brother. I remember, like it was yesterday, the feeling of sitting on that high, leather couch ... my feet clad in my little white anklets and black Mary Janes ... trying not to wiggle too much, yet squirming under the constant, watchful eye of the lady behind the typewriter across from my seat. I remember being led by the hand, by that same lady, to a small green room that seemed crowded with a large table and chairs. Sitting on a couple of those chairs were my mom and my dad. In my mom's arms was this little person ... not much bigger than my beloved Baby Boo doll I had gotten for Christmas just a couple months earlier. Of course, this "dolly" had spindly arms and legs that seemed constantly moving all by themselves, as opposed to Baby Boo, whose limbs I had to make move to just sit her up. This little person didn't have any hair and he couldn't talk, but when he looked at me with those big eyes ... and then smiled ... I was hooked.

From that moment on ... forever and for always ... I was a big sister.

Forty-three years later, I take the job just as seriously as I did when I was six.

It's hard to explain and, if you are not the older sibling by more than just a year or two, you might not ever completely understand, but when that mantle of "older sibling" fell upon my shoulders that day ... everything changed. Here was a person who could aggravate me so entirely, scare me incredibly silly, frustrate me fully and yet ... never once in all these years have I stopped loving him, caring for him, wanting to protect him ... no matter how far apart we might live. I can tease him. I can torture him. I can pull rank on him. That is my right and privilege as an older sibling, but woe to the individual who hurts him in any way, shape or form!

I may seem mild, but there are times when I can be quite formidible. Messing with my little brother can bring that side out, most definitely.

After being the older sibling for so long, it is hard to realize that it's okay to let go ... to relinquish the control ... to allow my little brother to move forward without me holding his hand, guiding his steps, protecting his back. My little brother hasn't been little for a very long time now, yet, when he is sad or hurting, I still yearn to be with him to comfort him, to wrap him in my arms and let the world and it's troubles melt away. When he is happy or excited, I want to be right there celebrating with him, hugging and doing the dance of joy.

Such is the nature of the older sibling.

Sam Winchester may be a "Sasquatch" ... he may be taller than his older brother, he may have gone to college and grown in they eyes of the world, he may battle demons and supernatural creatures of the dark formidably in his own right, however he is still, and always will be, Dean Winchester's little brother Sammy. In the five years that Supernatural has been airing, we have watched the evolution of the Winchester brother's relationship. We've seen both Winchester boys grow and age as life has battered on them body and soul. There have been twists and turns, heartache and pain, but through it all one thing always remained ... Dean Winchester held tight to the reins of being the big brother. It took him five years to truly realize that it was okay to let Sam go, to let Sam truly make the "big" decision(s) - right or wrong. To not just say the words "I do know that if anybody can do it ... it's you", then to let him go and simply be there to back him up ... to support him ... no matter the outcome.

Cas: "I just want you to understand ... the only thing that you're gonna see out there is Michael killing your brother."
Dean: "Well, then I ain't gonna let him die alone!"

It wasn't just the moment that John put his infant son into the arms of his older brother on that fateful, November 2nd night that started Dean on the road of protector. He always had been. While we don't have any "canon" story to prove it, I fully believe that from the time baby Sammy was brought into this world, Dean took on the mantle of older sibling. That night of Winchester infamy simply solidified the importance of protecting Sammy. It was reinforced throughout the years as John began his journey into the world behind the veil, hunting out the darkness that lies waiting in shadows.

John: "Lock the doors and windows, close the shades, and most important ..."
Young Dean: "Watch out for Sammy. {looks at his little brother} I know."

John: "I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?"
Dean: "Yeah, Dad. You know I will."

Dean did ... he always had ... he always would. How could he not?

Dean was the big brother ... the older sibling.

He gave Sam the last of the Lucky Charms.

He stole presents and gave Sammy a Christmas.

He told his little brother the truth, even when it hurt both of them to know it.

He let Sam have the "normal" life he wanted, never asking for anything during that time.

He teased and taunted his little brother with everything from itching powder to electric hand buzzers.

He saved Sam from the Woman in White, the fire in his bedroom, Bloody Mary, a rogue lamp cord, a crazy family ... need I go on?

Lest the SammyGirls get upset with me, I'm not saying that Sam didn't have his moments, because he did ... plenty of them ... and he had plenty of reasons, not the least of which were to prove to his big brother that he was no longer in need of protection, that he was no longer Sammy the chubby 12 year old. But that is a ramble for another day. I'm missing my little brother and I'm wanting to discuss older siblings, so Dean gets the hotseat for the moment.

Remember that scene in Season Two's Croatoan? You all know the one ... in the clinic ... after Sam's infected? That moment between the two brother's is memorable and heart wrenching, to say the least ... but the lead in says even more ...

"I'm gonna say this one time ... you make a move on him, you'll be dead before you hit the ground. You understand me? I mean, do I make myself clear?"

Dean Winchester protected his younger brother Sam his entire life, watched over him, kept him safe ... it was his focus, his "one job", his responsibility ... and when a knife severed Sam's life, it also severed Dean's life's focus.

"I couldn't let him die, Bobby. I couldn't. He's my brother."

However, no matter how hard we older siblings work at protecting our younger siblings, in the end, much like a parent who must trust that they have taught their child the skills to know right from wrong, the older sibling has to let the younger one out from under their wing ... out of their shadow ... knowing they might fail ... hoping and praying that they will succeed beyond our wildest dreams ... and all the while standing on the side, to catch, to support, to cheer.

To simply be there.

It wasn't easy for Dean Winchester.

To acknowledge that Sam wasn't his "baby brother" any longer. But he did it.

"You're not a kid anymore, Sam and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I gotta grow up a little too."

To give Sam the trust that he had earned. But he did it.

"I don't know if we've got a snowball's chance. But ... But I do know that if anybody can do it ... it ... it's you."

And, even when beaten and bloodied, continued to be with his little brother the only way he knew how ... because ... while some things may change ... some things don't ...

Dean: "Sammy ... are you in there?"
Lucifer/Sam: "Oh, he's in here all right. And he's going to feel the snap of your bones. Every single one. We're gonna take our time."
Dean: "Sam ... it's okay. It's okay, I'm here. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you. I'm not gonna leave you."

That's just what older siblings do.